Rainy Days

We've been on a pretty long rain streak since New Years and after going through the same routine everyday, I believe it's time I pointed a few things out. In my latest treck to work, I experienced what I call the mist-type of rain. Everyone's been through it, it's cold and damp and you can feel a cold spray of water on your face. However, umbrellas are useless against them no matter the size, since the mist can just seep under it. That being said, there are tons of New Yorkers who insist on still using an umbrella in this type of rain. I know it can't help them, they know it's pointless, yet people feel the need to use it. So as I walked to work "unarmed" with my umbrella in my holster, it really gave me a chance to observe some behaviors I see with other umbrella people.

Here's a rule that should become law. If you are under 5'6", you should not be carrying a golf umbrella. Now I'm all for banning golf umbrellas to everywhere except the golf course, but if you are short there is no reason to carry a golf umbrella. They're enormous, probably big enough for 3 people your size. Plus, they're usually too heavy for these people anyway which makes them lose control of the umbrella (which is key for proper umbrella etiquette). People can get severely injured by these little people carrying these ginormous devices and it needs to be stopped. I would love to see the hospital reports and find out how many golf umbrella injuries occur a day. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few concussions, stab wounds, and severed limbs because of them. Those of you who know me are aware that I'm not giant by any means and I feel it is my duty as a human to avoid using a clown-sized umbrella.

Here's another rule that might help some people along: Keeping the umbrella closer to your head won't make you any dryer. There are people out there that try to hold their umbrella as low as possible to prevent the chance of any water actually touching them. 99% of the time, it doesn't matter how high or low you hold the umbrella, you'll probably be just as dry. The people that hold the umbrellas low find it necessary to cover their eyes and end up not being able to see a thing while they're walking. They zig-zag around the sidewalk, bumping into people and objects like they're driving drunk. And getting bumped by these people is no fun. It might not be as bad as getting whacked in the head by a golf umbrella, but these idiots step on your feet and continually knock into you throughout your walk.

Maybe we need to implement a ticketing system to prevent poor umbrella etiquette. Or perhaps everyone must be required to take a class, similar to drivers ed. You take a written exam on the history of umbrellas, weather, and proper umbrella carrying. Then you go for a "road test" with an umbrella expert. He'll follow you around as you execute opening and closing the umbrella, left and right-hand turns, dodging passer-bys, and so on. If you pass, you can carry an umbrella without risk of fine. Failing the test means you better have a good raincoat and goggles to wear outside.

Lets see some reader-interaction today. Try and post a funny umbrella experience you've had recently. Funniest one will get posted on the site this afternoon. Just click on the comment button below.