Elevator Madness
I feel that I am a fairly understanding and tolerable guy. However when it comes to elevators, I lose my temper pretty quick. I can probably ramble on about the multiple issues I have with elevator behavior but for now, two things stand out that I want to discuss.
I am not the most in shape person in the world. I'm relatively lazy, especially when I'm at work. I hate exercise unless I have to. That being said, if I am going up or down one floor, as a courtesy to others, I use the stairs. Why are there people, who look normal and appear sane on the outside, that use the elevator for one flight? I am in an office building with 35 floors. These people who are getting on and only going up one flight are killing me. I recommend having security or police in the elevators to arrest these criminals. In actuality, it probably only slows me down around 45 seconds of my day, but still, there's a ton I could do with those 45 seconds...stretch, drink a cup of water, tie my shoe (assuming I don't screw up the first time)...The possibilities are endless.
Another elevator problem that bothers me are the people that dive at the last second to stop the door from closing to get on the elevator. Like this is officially the last elevator of the day and if you miss this one, you might as well go home because you're not going up today. I do have some respect for these people however. They throw their limbs into the doorway, risking being crushed by the elevator doors and ending their lives instantly just to get on. Along with that respect comes anger, because it is these people who barely make the elevator who pick the lowest floor available to the despair of all of the current passengers. Why does this phenomenon occur? I have no idea, but it always seems to work out that way. If they know they're going on the lowest floor, why risk ultimate death to get on that elevator, make everyone wait, and then add another local stop to the trip up top. Unbelievable.
Just a little clarification the daily readers. The morning posts will be made by 10am at the latest, more likely around 9:30. Also, I encourage everyone to post comments, I will try to respond to as many as I can. If you want to email any of the posts to a friend, there is now a little envelope link on every article, very easy to use. Enjoy.
posted by GMan at
9:40 AM
14 Comments:
I hear you Gary...I used to yell at those one floor people back in the B-school. Now I just glare and say, "One floor...really?" Sadly, no one has gotten the point yet. Great post though, keep them coming!!
By
Anonymous, at 11:36 AM
Right on. Ya know what else I hate? When someone already in the elevator holds the door for a would-be elevator bystander (one who has just missed the closing of the elevator doors by a fraction of a second). This bystander has already given up on actually catching the elevator, but, someone on the inside puts his/her own limbs on the line to hold the doors for someone he/she has likely never met before. Gary, you may find this to be a noble deed, but I think it is foolish, because, once those doors open wide and the bystander sees that there is little room to breathe inside, he usually says, "Oh that's alright, I'll catch the next one."
As for the people who take the elevator for one flight, I cut them some slack. I am one of those people and I also work in your building and I have no idea where the stairs are.
peace out!
MV
By
Anonymous, at 2:01 PM
How often do you think Gary screws up on his first attempt to tie his shoe?
By
Anonymous, at 2:18 PM
First off this is Levy cause i dont wanna post anonlymously however in continuation with the being lazy theme i dont want to register.
Anyway first off I agree wih everything that has been said except for the second guessing on gary not being able to tie his shoes correctly. Come on we all know Gary is a little slow sometimes and lets give him a break on that one.
Back to elevators, more specifically not at work but in my apartment, I really cant stand those delivery guys who dont speak a lick of english and just jump into the elevator in front of everyone. I mean I understand they cant communicate with us verbally but they have to be able to god damn see 10-20 people waiting in line to get in the elevator. And these delivery men think that just cause they have food to deliver and have to ride their bikes to their next stop they have the right to bypass all of us. I mean come on there chinese food is not that good or important. We are residents of this building and I do not pay rent to come home from work after a long day and have these little fucks pulling such crap. I dont know about you but I have already gotten in one or two of their faces and next time i may have to unleash the fury on them.
By
Anonymous, at 2:40 PM
Brad - Excellent post. I must admit that there have been many times where I have "faked" an effort to stop the doors from closing. It's all about getting the facial expression into it. First the confused look, then comes concern, then panic. By then, the doors have closed and you should be in the clear. And as you said, you look like the hero if it's someone you knew.
By
GMan, at 2:58 PM
Levy also bringing in the strong post. I will say that although I agree with you to a point, I want to state for the record that I sometimes encourage the delivery people to cut the elevator lines. If it was my food, I want it getting to me hot so I feel like a better person at times if I let those guys cut in front of me, even if it is against my will.
And keep this is mind at all times. Those delivery guys speak perfect English. They're just putting on a front so they can pretend they don't understand you and cut the lines. Most of them probably have Ivy League Degrees so don't let them fool you.
By
GMan, at 3:01 PM
Touche Gary, I am sure that some of these men are that smart as to pretend to be ignorant to our language and customs. Now we all know you get cranky when ur food is not burnin hot, but I say the amount of time it would take these guys to just respectfully wait in line will not significantly cool off ur food. Even if it did u have the option to put it in the microwave when it gets there. I on the other hand do not have the option of magically teleporting myself up 27 floors.
So once again I encourage you all. Do not let these bastards take over our elevators. Fight for them.
Snoochie Boochies
By
Anonymous, at 3:08 PM
What I hate about elevators is when you get on, and your enjoying your ride down w/ maybe 1 or 2 other people in the elevator. And as the elevator decents it stops on a floor and a few more people get on and then it stops on another floor and a few more people get on. Then all of a sudden you are the person in the corner squished from all angles struggling to breath as the alarm is sounding, signaling there is too much weight. Then the elevator stops on another floor and people are squirming around to make room for the guy waiting to get in and as he enters the elevator he presses the button to travel from the first floor to the ground floor. All the while you would have rather taken the stairs down from the 27th floor.
After the 4th person enters the elevator I should just tell anyone else attempting to ride that there is no more room. However,there would be no number of "fake attempts at saving the door" that would make up for that one. So I guess I just have to take a chance and hope that holding the "door close" button will prevent any new stops along the way.
LD
By
Anonymous, at 6:14 PM
Lindsay Duncan making her first comment on the board. I'm sure it'll be the first of many. Beware, she is allegedly the funniest woman ever. Lets see if her midwest style translates over to the NYC scene.
By
GMan, at 8:57 PM
Dayna - Very funny post. I have done the "pretend I'm making room" several times. I kow there's no room, but hey, at least I look like I care.
And let me welcome our first non-American poster. Look how fast the site is growing, we're international already.
By
GMan, at 9:26 PM
No more than an hour after I read this post, I got into an elevator with two women who felt it necessary to take it up to the second floor. Granted I was going to third floor, but it's still not right.
Regardless, I'm surprised no one's brought up by far the worst part of the elevator-riding experience...the awkwardness of taking a long ride in a slow elevator with a single other passenger. When there's three, I somehow feel ok just staring at those numbers lighting up over the doors, but I can't think of a more uncomfortable situation than taking that trip with a lone stranger. Anyone have a suggestion for how to break the tension other than saying, "wow, it sure is quiet in here..."?
-cuz #2
By
Anonymous, at 10:51 PM
Our new Canadian friend has concerns that I am posting all of the anonymous posts. Let me assure you that I have not and all of my posts have my name attached.
All of the posters today should take that as a compliment to coming up with such entertaining posts. This has to be the funniest and most creative message board I've ever seen. Keep them coming.
Plus, with 3 posts today, Dayna the Canadian (who i've never met) is currently sitting at #1 with the most posts. In second is Levy with 2 and then the rest. Maybe I'll create a weekly award to the best and most posts.
By
GMan, at 11:01 PM
I can live with all these people without hating them too much.
I am surpised that no one has mentioned the absolute worst thing ever that can happen when riding an elevator.
"Ding", the doors open. Two people are there having a conversation. Only one is getting on so they hold the door while continuing their banal talk about whatever. Forget 14 seconds, this usually continues until either someone yells at them or the elevator gives up and tries to kill them by buzzing incessantly and closing the doors regardless of what body part they are holding there.
These idiots invariably still try to continue talking until the doors are fully closed.
Now comes the very "heated" silence, followed by their awkward apologies.
Marcus from Australia, but sitting in LAX waiting for a plane. I will be checking in from home so you can have your first Aussie IP. Great site, too. Very fun way to kill time in an airport.
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