A Small Valentine's Day Warm-up

Well here we are, a few days before Valentine's Day and I can already feel the madness of this terrible holiday creeping in to the picture. I've had requests from readers for me to post a routine that I performed while I was still at Indiana about Valentine's Day. I thought about posting it today, but will instead hold off until Monday, the actual day of death.

Just to give you all a taste, those of you who have seen me perform my Valentine's routine know that every year, I can sense Valentine's Day approaching by the little signs floating around. The colors in stores start to change, the air gets thinner, dogs become frightened, and most telling is when I receive a Valentine's Day card from my grandparents. For as long as I can remember, my Grandparents have sent me a Valentine's Day card a few days before the "holiday" always wishing me the best. In addition to the very sweet card is an exciting Valentines gift. What is this gift you ask? A check made out for $5. Every year I get this check and although I appreciate the gesture, I'm always baffled as to why, if they are insistent on sending me $5, can't they just drop a $5 in the envelope and send it to me. Now I love my grandparents, but it's such a hastle to receive the check, endorse it, and get it to my bank on Long Island to deposit in my account. It actually costs me $12.50 round trip on a train just to go to Long Island. Now I have an MBA in accounting and a specialization in corporate finance. In all my years of studying, models prepared, and research, I can officially state that I am losing money on this transaction. Are we that afraid of the postman these days? If a $5 bill somehow gets lost in the mail, is all of our retirement funds and assets going to get seized? The problem is that my grandparents study their checking account bank statements, so if I don't cash the check within a 4 day period, the rumbles begin in the family. I won't even get into the one year I didn't cash the check.

So last night when I went to check the mail, there was my Valentine's Day card from my grandparents and of course, a $5 check was enclosed. So that can only mean one thing, Valentine's Day is frighteningly close. If you're "celebrating" this weekend, I wish you all luck. Girls, behave. Guys, be strong. And if my grandparents have actually figured out the internet and are reading this, it's all in good fun. I love getting the $5, it's almost worth a beer in Manhattan and damnit, it's delicious. Check back Monday to hear a great Valentine's Day comedy bit and have a great weekend.