McDonald's Madness

One of the greatest things about New York City is how everything delivers. This is a hard concept for most non-New Yorkers to understand but you can literally get anything under the sun delivered straight to your apartment. Whether it be dinner, rental movies, groceries, furniture, or toiletries from a bodega, NYC has made it very easy to live without a car and have everything brought straight to you.

That being said, I am having a major issue with one particular store which is very close to my apartment and also delivering. I get confused and angry thinking about it and it needs to be brought to everyone's attention. On the corner of my building, not more than a block away, is a McDonalds Restaurant. It's your standard McDonald's, dangerously open 24 hours a day on the weekends and till 1am on most other nights. Posted on their windows for the public to see is their delivery number. I've had people come visit me from out of town fascinated by this and beg me to order-in some McDonalds. I fight it everytime because it is wrong, allow me to explain.

I think it's pretty clear by now that McDonald's is not a healthy place to eat. There was recently a movie made about it how a guy only ate McDonalds for a month and gained a ton of weight. However, it says a lot for your character if you walk to the restaurant to get your food, or at least walk to your car to go there. It burns a few calories before the 1,000 calorie gorging you're about to do. Now let me make this very clear, if your fat ass is too lazy to get out of your apartment and walk the 1-2 minutes it takes to get food from McDonald's, you should be shot and put out of your misery. With all the information we have today about how bad this stuff is for you, at least do what I call the "walk of shame." That would be the walking to and from McDonald's, thinking the whole time about how unhealthy the food is you're about to eat. The panic and stress should help burn a few calories by itself.

I called McDonald's delivery just for research value to see what it was all about. Turns out that they actually have a minimum order to get them to deliver the food to you. When I heard this I started thinking about what's actually on the menu. Half the items are $1 a piece, and value meal can run you $4-5, what kind of minimum could it be? They explained that it is required to purchase $10 worth of food to get them to do the door-to-door service. I know for a fact that you can feed a family of 17 in Somalia for about $10 at McDonald's, what crazy bastards are ordering that much food? I think they're trying to make you even fatter so you eventually become helpless and can never leave the apartment, thereby forcing you to continually order-in. A huge McDonald's conspiracy.

So basically, if you're going to eat McDonald's, eat least do the walk of shame and literally walk to McDonald's. Everything else is fair game in my book in NY, order away and enjoy meeting some new friendly delivery people.