Friday Happy Hours

As all of you read this on a Friday morning, I'm sure the first thing crossing your mind at 9am is "where am I going to go drink after work?" All of us have a little raging alcoholic in us which is completely normal and encouraged. I know people who wake up on Tuesday morning already planning where to drink after work on Friday. The Happy Hour scene has potential to be a good time and it gets most people through their Friday work day.

That being said, there is a special type of Happy Hour drinker that I would like to shed some light on. Some of you out there may fall into this classification and if so, get help immediately. The drinker is called "The Angry Employee" and is the person you want to avoid at all costs at a Happy Hour, yet we all know a bunch of them.

As obviously stated by the name, "The Angry Employee" is basically...angry. They hate their job, complain about how terrible their week has been, don't iron their shirts, plan Happy Hour 3 days before Friday, and are pretty much angry at anyone who likes their job in the slightest. When they go to Happy Hour, it's not about having a few social beers, meeting new people, or seeing some friends. The main goal here is for that person to drink as much as possible in a 90 minute span so he/she can be shitfaced by 6:00. You can usually spot an Angry Employee by scanning the faces in the crowd. Angry employees don't like to smile very much and look very determined at happy hour. They sometimes strongly resemble Jack Nicholson in The Shining if that helps shed any light on how crazy these people are. Also, they tend to throw up a lot around 7:06pm so when it hits that point in the night, try to take some cover.

Talking to these Angry Employees are usually a crap shoot. Now I've known several Angry Employees and have been anble to distinguish two specific conversation types for these people. The first is the Taurettes Syndrome talker. A typical conversation with these folk might go something like this. A normal Happy Hour patron may ask, "So, anything fun planned for the weekend?" The response would probably be along the lines of "Fuck, fuck, shit, poop, shit, shit." Be warned that the response is usually pretty loud and you might get spit on a bit as well. The second conversation I see a lot is the Debbie Downer retorts. Everyone can be having an amazing time, laughing the evening away, drinking, telling jokes. Then you ask the Angry Employee about his fun weekend plans. The response you can get goes something like "Well, it's hard to consider having fun with all the violence going on overseas. Plus, cancer is making a big comeback which has been on my mind." That's how you kill a good time which I why I recommend staying away from these people.

As I was saying earlier, if you are reading this and feel that you are an Angry Employee, run to the nearest AA meeting. To everyone else out there, have a fun Happy Hour tonight and a great weekend.