Pocket Problems

Back in the Mid-90's when I was in high school, I remember a time when I would carry with me a wallet in my back pocket, a few bucks in my front pocket, maybe a pen, and that would be it. I used to wonder to myself, what are all these other pockets for if I have nothing to put in them? I'd be comfortable all day, if I wanted to stand around with a hand in a pocket, no problem. I could run, dance, skip...whatever.

Now at 24, I long for the days of pocket space. At what point did every inch of my pocket become assigned to something? Although I am an accountant, it took some engineering blueprints for me to perfect the proper placements of all of my crap in my pockets. Here's the layout I have going right now and I'm sure most guys can understand where I'm coming from. I still have the wallet going in my back pocket, but now it's more like a George Castanza wallet with credit cards, atm cards, health insurance cards, and every small memento I've ever gotten that can fit somewhere in my wallet. In my front right pocket, I've allocated what little room I have for my keychain (currently filled with 5 keys and a NYSC entrance thing), my money clip and whatever money I have in it, a cell phone, and a pen or pencil. The left pocket has my Blackberry (which is huge), work IDs, and there's enough room for about 15 cents, pending on what types of coins I have. After all of these things are carefully placed in their appropriate spot after I finish getting dressed, my walking speed has substantially decreased, I can't do quick turns, my lateral movements are no longer an option, by belt starts to tear because the weight on the pants is too much, and I can never ever put my hand in a pocket.

What happened over the past few years that made my pocket space go from sitting pretty to nothing left? I swear I feel like I'm walking around with bricks attached to my sides. One of the few advantages I have going for me is that I can never again get the cliche "So is that a ?? in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" It doesn't quite work anymore because at any given point in the day it looks like I have 2-3 erections at the same time and most people would be too frightened to ask me that question. The question then becomes, what are my alternatives? If I started using a pocket protector like the nerds in the 80's used to do I can probably free up a little bit of my right pocket but as an accountant I'd just be adding to the stereotype. The Jerry Seinfeld European handbag approach is interesting but I'm not too interested in carrying around a purse. Which means I'm pretty much out of options. I'll stick to my efficient pocket organization and be uncomfortable all day. Suggestions??