Supermen

As an accountant, I do not work in a very dangerous profession. It's a safe, quiet industry and you will very rarely see us making the news for anything other than business-related stuff. I've never read anything in the papers about how an accountant saved someone's life, discovered plutonium or was attacked at work by escaped zoo animals. Nope, it's a conservative field with low-risk and high reward. Yet there is a dangerous profession out there that we come in contact everyday and these risk-takers are not getting the due credit they deserve. They are the delivery guys who ride bicycles in Manhattan and by far are the bravest people I have ever seen. In an effort to get people their food as fast as possible, delivery people will ride their bikes at the speed of light, fighting through traffic, weather, danger, and potential injury or death. I've written about delivery people before in reference to the massive tips they get, now lets look at their training and motivation.

There's some kind of hidden delivery guy code that you just do whatever it takes to get to your destination. They pretend like they don't speak much English and can't understand traffic laws, but I'm convinced that it's a front and they are some of the brightest minds in the world. I've seen these lunatics go through red lights, dodge busses, run over people, whatever it takes. For their full tip of $2.28, they're willing to risk their lives and those around them. Sometimes you just have to sit back and respect the effort they're putting forth. I wouldn't't go as far as to call them Supermen, but they're dancing on that line.

I have a vision about a Delivery Man Academy somewhere outside of Manhattan where these people go to train. It's very similar to the "Farm" where the CIA is trained, isolated and top secret. Stores recruit their delivery guys from all around the world, some are former cyclists, military, chef's, and the most qualified and daring delivery people ever. They're put on a strict diet, weight lifting regiment, and are trained in high-speed bike riding tactics. These "soldiers" are put through hell to be able to handle all of the potential disasters that can happen. Judging from what I've seen on the streets, the training exercise when they practice getting knocked off their bikes by speeding busses has to be the most difficult. The first few times must be pretty painful but then you start to get the hang of it and you bounce right back up, food in hand, ready to get back on the bike to deliver. I'm fairly confident that if I got knocked off a bicycle at 50 miles per hour by a NYC bus going 80, my life would probably be over. But not these warriors, they just shake it off, scream something no one can understand, and keep on going.

I presume running over innocent patrons is also a tough lesson plan for them to pick up. I have almost been ran over so many times by these nutjobs that I'm convinced that they're intentionally gunning for me. They ride through such crowded streets and sidewalks that their chance of an accident per trip has to be around 70%. I thought about their mentality, and the key for success is making split decisions and sticking to it. For example, when there's a group of people in your way and you have to run over someone, choose the oldest and frailest because they can easily be ran over, might not remember it, can't fight back, and will probably not hurt your delivery time too much.

So I would like to solute these brave men for tempting ultimate death to get me my turkey sandwich. For the few times I felt that my life was at risk, I forgive you. Thanks for the effort and keep on trucking.