Well Needed Vacation

I have good news and bad news for the rapidly growing reading base of the G-Man News-Stand. I'm on vacation on a cruise for a week which means that I won't be making any new posts until the Monday that I'm back, January 3. That would be the bad news...for the readers I guess. On the good news front, look at it in two perspectives.

1. Gary gets some much needed sun and relaxation, which is good news for Gary. Throw in the many drunken nights followed by hungover afternoons at the poolside , bloated, while thinking about eating my 4th meal of the day and it is just what the doctor ordered for a Gary vacation.

2. With a family cruise, I'm bound to come across plenty of "A" material which I will write down and post, as soon as I sober up. That's good news for the readers since the bits will be new and fresh.

Thanks for a great first week of the Stand. The hits on the site are way above what I expected. Once I get back, we'll kick this site into second gear. We have a lot of great ideas coming and it should be funny and interesting to see how it all plays out. For the meanwhile, catch up on the archives of posts you haven't read yet and have a great New Year. The G-Man News-Stand is back in business in 2005.

Love Those Productive Days Off

I don't celebrate Christmas, I'm not really sure what it's all about, I'm not seeing my family today...but if I get a day off of work for it, then I'll be as festive as anyone out there.

The question that is on everyone's minds is, what do you do with your free day? Now I'm the kind of guy who is always looking to be as productive as possible. As soon as I wake up, all of the ideas start burning through my skull. Maybe I'll go visit a Museum, and do lunch with a friend I haven't seen in a while. Then I'll hit the gym, go shopping, and call my parents. I can clean the apartment, maybe replace that light that's been out for 5 and a half weeks. By the end of the thought process, I'm finding time in my day to perform some experiments with plutonium.

Here's where the downfall begins. At first, all of these activities seemed like they could be useful, fun, important, whatever. After I think about them all, while lying in bed of course, it starts feeling like all of these activities are going to involve a lot of effort. So you do the most logical thing at the time...close your eyes and sleep until 1 in the afternoon. Now, you've scratched the majority of the daily activities and going into the shower seems like the biggest hastle ever. You order delivery for a late lunch, end up passing on the shower (using the excuse that you'll do it before you go out that night), and somehow relocate to your couch to watch tv. Once lunch is over, it hits you hard around 3:30pm...you have done nothing today and have not left the apartment yet.

Whoever is reading this right now and is embarrassed that this description is you, don't worry. I'm here to tell you that you're not alone. Go ahead, be lazy. Take pride in it. It is the people like you who can do nothing for the entire day and not feel bad about it who should be praised, for that is a much more difficult achievement than being productive all day.

So Close to Vacation

Remeber everyone...only half days of work today. Be strong. Here's a pointless blurb that should get you in the holiday spirit.

Last night I was working late and the janitors starting cleaning around me in the office. A smell caught my attention and I followed it to a man mopping a floor. I watched as he mopped up that fairly dirty floor, dunk the mop back in the bucket and then repeat the routine again. Am I the only person who thinks that the old mop n' bucket routine is outdated. That mop smelled so bad, I couldn't concentrate. ..yet as bad as it smelled, I couldn't walk away. And what good is pushing water around the floor with a dirty mop when the water is filthy from touching the mop? A word to the wise for those of you who like to stay late at work and then lick the floor for whatever reason...don't do it. Mopping does not help. You've been lied to your entire life!

Off the topic but equally disturbing and still having to do with a mop and bucket, when I pledged a fraternity back in college, during our "hell week" all of my pledge brothers had to submerge our heads in a mop bucket filled with ice and the mop still in it. Sure it was nice and refreshing (if you're into the whole frostbite on the face kind of thing) but I remember it being pretty nasty. Now obviously I understand that people are not meant to stick there heads in mop buckets, however I find it slightly ironic that a cleaning device, filled with water and cleaning chemicals, makes me 80 times more dirty than before I dipped my head in.

A disclaimer to the children readers, please do not dip your head into a dirty mop bucket with ice in it. There are better things to do with you time, even after a few adult beverages. However, there are worse things you could be doing as well so I guess it is worth giving it a try sometime.

This post officially had no point. It's almost vacation, cut me some slack. Great comments on the posts yesterday, we had more than double than we've ever had. Also, thanks to all the new readers for coming. This is day 4 of the daily postings and yesterday, we reached 100 site hits on the day. Keep on coming.

Elevator Madness

I feel that I am a fairly understanding and tolerable guy. However when it comes to elevators, I lose my temper pretty quick. I can probably ramble on about the multiple issues I have with elevator behavior but for now, two things stand out that I want to discuss.

I am not the most in shape person in the world. I'm relatively lazy, especially when I'm at work. I hate exercise unless I have to. That being said, if I am going up or down one floor, as a courtesy to others, I use the stairs. Why are there people, who look normal and appear sane on the outside, that use the elevator for one flight? I am in an office building with 35 floors. These people who are getting on and only going up one flight are killing me. I recommend having security or police in the elevators to arrest these criminals. In actuality, it probably only slows me down around 45 seconds of my day, but still, there's a ton I could do with those 45 seconds...stretch, drink a cup of water, tie my shoe (assuming I don't screw up the first time)...The possibilities are endless.

Another elevator problem that bothers me are the people that dive at the last second to stop the door from closing to get on the elevator. Like this is officially the last elevator of the day and if you miss this one, you might as well go home because you're not going up today. I do have some respect for these people however. They throw their limbs into the doorway, risking being crushed by the elevator doors and ending their lives instantly just to get on. Along with that respect comes anger, because it is these people who barely make the elevator who pick the lowest floor available to the despair of all of the current passengers. Why does this phenomenon occur? I have no idea, but it always seems to work out that way. If they know they're going on the lowest floor, why risk ultimate death to get on that elevator, make everyone wait, and then add another local stop to the trip up top. Unbelievable.

Just a little clarification the daily readers. The morning posts will be made by 10am at the latest, more likely around 9:30. Also, I encourage everyone to post comments, I will try to respond to as many as I can. If you want to email any of the posts to a friend, there is now a little envelope link on every article, very easy to use. Enjoy.

It’s All About the Roses

VS.

This bowl season is filled with more fun games to watch than I’ve seen in the past few years. Some of the more interesting are:

Oklahoma St. vs. Ohio St.
Boise St. vs. Louisville
Miami vs. Florida
Georgia vs. Wisconsin
Michigan vs. Texas
USC vs. Oklahoma

Besides the National Champion Game of USC vs. Oklahoma, one game stands out in my mind as the game to watch this season. The Rose Bowl hosts the Big Ten’s Michigan Wolverines and the #5 team in the country, the Texas Longhorns from the Big 12. These are two very strong and athletic teams filled with NFL talent and the game should not disappoint.

When the Bowl selections were coming out, I was hoping the Texas would get the Rose Bowl nod over California. I had a chance to watch both teams and despite identical records and completely different schedules, Texas stood out as a stronger squad. Cedric Benson is my top RB in the country after Adrian Peterson. He had the 4th most yards per game on the year and was the difference maker in most of the Texas victories. Sophomore QB Vince Young is going to be a collegiate star very soon and this year we saw him come into his own. He was very poised in the pocket, his arm strength seemed to improve, and his running ability makes him lethal. Derrick Johnson is the best line backer in the country and he will wreak havoc on the young Michigan backfield.

Speaking of which, Michigan is led by two freshmen, QB Chad Henne and RB Mike Hart. Both had excellent rookie seasons and will keep Michigan a contender for the next few years. It doesn’t hurt that Henne has WR Braylon Edwards to throw to, my projected top WR in the NFL draft this coming year. The Michigan defense is very athletic and their offensive line is so unbelievable, I think that I could run for 100 yards per game (and I’m 5’6”, 160).

Both schools have a long history of winning and tradition and will put on a great battle. My prediction is that it will be a close first half and then Texas will show their experience in the second half to win the game. I had a chance to attend a UT game on November 8 this year in Austin against Oklahoma St. OSU was ranked at the time and Texas needed the win to have a shot at a BCS game. The Longhorns fell behind 35-7 in the first half and the season looked like it was over. Texas then orchestrated the best comeback I have ever seen, scoring 49 unanswered points to win the game 56-35. After watching Texas fight back and play the most flawless half I’ve ever witnessed, I cannot pick against them. They showed leadership and a passion to win that is very rare and I think that win, along with their final game victory over Texas A&M, will carry over to the Rose Bowl. Michigan on the other hand just lost to arch-rival Ohio State and will be deflated and flat heading into the January 1 game.

Gary's Prediction: Look for Texas led by Benson, Vince Young, and Derrick Johnson to beat the Wolverines and win their first Rose Bowl in school history.

Some Sound Advice

I've had a recent revelation and as a good Samaritan, I'd like to share it with my readers. Now although this may be geared as advice for guys, pay attention ladies because you can provide your men with some excellent suggestions when the time is right.

For those of you who have never entered a men's bathroom, there are usually urinals and stalls. The urinals are often divided into the tall urinals and the not so tall urinals. Now I am no giant, standing straight at an unimpressive 5'6", however, even if I was 7'0" tall or Godzilla, I'd still choose the lower urinal, especially when wearing khaki colored pants.

Now maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself. The main issue here is the "urinal splash-back" where the urine bounces off the urinal walls, thereby hitting the pants and making the guy look like he just pee'd himself. Now I've been there, and that excuse of "...Oh, the sink was out of control..." Just isn't working anymore. People know that you're peeing on your leg.

Now if you use the lower urinal, the highest the splashback can get is your knee. Not only will that be tough to spot by passer-bys, but now you're in the excuse range of spilling coffee and dropping food on your leg. Anyone will buy that excuse which is huge.

Trust me on this one, it's all about the smaller urinal.

These postings will be daily for now on and will be mixed with some interest observations, thoughts, sports, and whatever else I come up with. When I write them, I'm just typing and not too much thought is put in them so don't mind the spelling errors and lack of any humor what-so-ever.

Feel free to post comments or email me and let me know what you think. Also, send you email to get included in any updates to the site.

I look forward to entertaining everyone.

Case of the Mondays News and Notes

Why is it so damn cold in NYC? Once it gets below 40 degrees, my major addiction to weather.com kicks in once again. The high for today is 17...that's pretty cold in my book. If it was a Wednesday and this cold, I probably wouldn't be so frustrated but on Monday, anything less than 78 and sunny is unacceptable, even if it is December. Now according to my trusty weather site, we're looking at the 50s by Wednesday. What the hell is going on? Maybe people finally started listening to my campaigning to bring back global warming. We had everything going for us when we destroyed the ozone and nobody realized it. Short winters that didn't get too cold, hot and long summers, great hair spray...now we are screwed for fixing the ozone. It's so damn cold for so long, I hate environmentalists.

I actually went out to Long Island on Sunday to do one of the dumbest things imaginable...go shopping a week before Christmas. Now as a Jew, holiday shopping very rarely crosses my mind. I am going on a vacation in a week and desperately needed some clothes before heading into more sunny pastures. What I did not expect was the opening fighting scene from Gangs of New York occurring in the Roosevelt Field Shopping Mall. People were clawing their way through the stores, attacking randoms that got in their way. Children were screaming and crying, some hostages were taken, and worst of all, my left shoe came untied and the traffic was moving so fast that I couldn't stop to tie it up. Maybe it wasn't that ridiculous, but still a challenge to get anything done. Two things went through my mind the entire shopping experience:

1. Why don't these idiots just shop in advance
2. I must be the dumbest person alive to go to the mall today

It was shitty but I mostly got what I needed and didn't walk away with too many severe injuries...and yes, I did get a chance to tie my shoe eventually.

Quarterback Controversy?

You’re a top quarterback recruit in the country. Offers are piling in from everywhere. Travel is not a deterrent. Your main objective is to play in the NFL one day. The question is, which Conference should be considered to develop into the best NFL-ready quarterback?

There is a huge misconception by analysts on which Conferences are the best for NFL QB hopefuls. Watching the games on Saturday, it would appear that the best quarterbacks play in the south. SEC games are extremely high scoring, fast paced games centered around the QB. Similarly, The Big 12 has high scoring matchups and great television exposure for QBs. Both conferences have national championship contenders year in and out. On the other side, the Big Ten is often labeled as a running oriented conference due to the smash-mouth style of football played. The games are slow paced where defense and controlling the clock wins games. The Pac-10 is the unknown conference with very little east-coast exposure. Recruits are concerned that by playing for a west coast team, the NFL scouts will not take notice of great performance. Then there are the rest: MAC, Conference USA, Big East, Independents, and so on.

After compiling the data of all of the starting quarterbacks in the NFL and what school they attended, the results were interesting and surprising. Bear in mind that I factored into consideration schools switching conferences by giving credit to the Conference which had the school at the time the quarterback played there.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLConference llllllllllll2004 QB Starters

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPac 10LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL6
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLBig TenLLLLLLLL.LLLLLLLl5
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLBig EastLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLl4
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLMAC LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL3
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSECLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL3
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLWACLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLlLL3
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLACCLLLLLLLLLl.LlLLLLlLLL1
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLConf USALLLLLLLLLL=L.Ll1
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIndependentLLLLLLLLLLlLl1
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSun BeltLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL1
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOtherLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLlLL4

Prior to looking up the schools I predicted that the Pac-10 would have the most starters. All the other results were confusing and intriguing.

The most interesting stat I saw was that there are no Big 12 starters in the NFL right now. How could the most competitive football conference in the college football landscape not produce one 2004 NFL starter? More confusing is the fact that the SEC and other Florida schools combined only have 3 starters, and two of them are named Manning. There must be something that analysts and football fans are missing here. Let me break the leaders and see what common trends there are.

The Pac-10 of late has been a breeding ground for QB talent. The starters right now from the conference are very young and talented and more are on their way to the NFL in the next year or so. Heisman winner Carson Palmer (USC), Kyle Boller (Cal), Drew Bledsoe (Wash St.), Jake Plummer (Zona St.), Joey Harrington (Oregon), and AJ Feeley (Oregon) all played in the Pac-10. With the exception of Feeley, all started in the NFL in their first or second season of entering the league. Don’t forget that Tommy Maddox and Chad Hutchinson were starters last season, also Pac-10 alumni. This year or in 2006, another Heisman winner, Matt Leinart of USC, and Aaron Rodgers of Cal will be drafted and starting. The Pac 10 is the most overlooked and impressive conference for quarterbacks in the country, hands down. These results were expected and the conference keeps moving in the right direction.

The Big Ten having five starters was a surprise as well: Trent Green (Indiana), Kerry Collins (Penn St.), Tom Brady (Michigan), Drew Brees (Purdue), and Brian Griese (Michigan). Sometime next year, Drew Henson of Michigan should get the start for Dallas and Kyle Orton of Purdue will get drafted this year.

What separates these two conferences from the rest of the nation? Big 10 football games are low scoring and defensive focused, which is why I was so surprised they were on top of the list. After analyzing the results, I started realizing that so much of controlling the ball in the Big 10 and Pac-10 for that matter revolves around converting on 3rd downs. The Big 10 / Pac-10 QBs know how to make the plays when it counts, are used to playing against tough defensives, and are mentally prepared to play in the NFL. In addition, all Big 10 schools play in cold weather climates, which is a huge adjustment for southern players. The Pac-10 has to play games in Oregon and Washington, also cold weather games, yet not as bad as the Big 10. The NFL season goes through January, meaning that if a player has limited experience in cold-weather situations, you can expect adjustment problems. Ricky Williams who played for Texas always struggled on the road in December and January because of the weather. When is the last time Peyton Manning won in New England? Weather is a huge and overlooked factor and the fact that all Big 10 teams play in cold weather areas can only help. So despite being labeled as defensive and RB-type conferences, these might be the best place to prepare for the NFL.

So what does this all mean? With more Big Ten and Pac-10 starters on the way, it is pretty safe to say that these conferences are the best at preparing QBs for the NFL. Obviously, weather and mental toughness is not the answer for starting in the NFL. Top to bottom, the coaches in these two conferences are superb, the facilities are outstanding, and the tough competition is unmatched. There are no guaranteed wins in the Big Ten or Pac-10, even Indiana wins a few games here and there. After next year’s draft, the Big 10 and Pac-10 alumni QBs will encompass over a third of the entire NFL. Pretty amazing considering those two conferences are only 20 schools out of the hundreds in the nation. I guess the NFL scouts clearly do not have East-Coast bias, for the true talent is in the Midwest and the West-Coast.

Stop the Bowl Game Bashing

Monday December 6 marks the first day of about a month straight that we're going to have knocking the BCS and Bowl games. For those of you who have actually sat down and spoken to me about it, I've stood by my views consistently through the years and I'm not about to change now: I am for Bowl Games and would like to go back to the system prior to the BCS.

Before the comments come back ripping me apart, let me state for the record that if there was a play-offs, I would love the games and would watch every one. I will assume that if we did have a playoff system of a hypothetical 8 games, we could no longer have automatic bids for conference champions. It would be the top 8 teams according to the rankings or polls. According to the final BCS rankings, we would see brackets looking like:

1 vs. 8 USC vs. Virginia Tech

4 vs. 5 Texas vs. California

3 vs. 6 Auburn vs. Utah

2 vs. 7 Oklahoma vs. Georgia

These would be great games, and we would have an undisputed tournament champion. That being said, let me explain what I do not like about these games. Firstly, look at the conference breakdown. We have 2 Pac-10, 2 Big 12, 2 SEC, 1 ACC, 1 Mountain West. Three of the 8 teams did not win their Conference. Louisville, who had one loss all season to Miami, is not invited. Undefeated Boise State is not in. There are no representatives from the Big 10, Big East, or MAC. Now I won't kid myself and say that every year a MAC or Big East team deserves to play in one of these games, but a Big 10 team who has finished on top of a strong conference should have the opportunity to play in these games, like Michigan, Wisconsin, and Iowa who all had two losses this season, same as Georgia and VT who were invited. Basically, there will always be controversy over who should be invited to the playoffs and there will always be an Auburn or Cal who is left out.

Secondly, look more closely at the match-ups and the second round possibilities. Lets say first round, USC, Cal, Auburn, and Georgia all win. That means in the semi-finals, we'll see a repeat of USC-Cal and Auburn-Georgia. Why should a team who has already won in the "regular" season have to play a second time. That means that USC in this scenario would have to sweep Cal to get to the championship game while Cal just has to win one out of two to play for the championship. We always hear that teams should "settle it on the field." Well guess what? They did already, and USC and Auburn were victorious earlier in the year.

Despite the fact that I have many other argument points, I want to highlight one final issue. What about everyone else? This 8 team playoff would take 7 "Bowl Games" to complete. That steals away post-season games for 6 teams. Now I speak for the little people since I am an alumni of Indiana University, a continual losing football program. Every year, I'm just praying that we can somehow squander 6 wins so we can be Bowl eligible and go to a game. I am well aware that we are not a National Championship Contender, there are only 7 teams annually who are. But I know that if we get 6 wins and go to a Bowl Game, that's my Championship Game, be it the Rose Bowl or the Mastercard Alamo Bowl. Indiana would have a chance to play on National television and represent our University, students, and alumni in a one-game championship.

I'm actually against the BCS Championship Game for the same reason I am against the playoffs. I do not feel that we need one National Champion. This is not professional sports and with 117 1-A schools, I find it hard to believe that we can distinguish who the "Best" team is. I say let the Indiana's out there have their day. Give us our Championship Game, a.k.a. any of the 28 Bowl Games.


Email Gary

Movie Review - I think I'm a Leo Fan

That's right, I said it. I think I officially like Leonardo DiCaprio's movies. After being blown away by the Movie "Gangs of New York" a few years ago, I decided to give Leo another shot to dazzle me by watching the movie Catch Me If You Can. Once again, I am impressed. The movie was fun, exciting, went quick, and had a great story line. It's not going to enter my top 10 listed below, but it was very entertaining.

It looks like I might have to check out Aviator and see if Leo can pull off the 3-peat.

Gary's Top 10 Movies - As of 12/6/04

1. Pulp Fiction
2. The Shawshank Redemption
3. Goodfellas
4. Jurassic Park
5. Gangs of New York
6. The Usual Suspects
7. Snatch
8. Zoolander
9. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
10. The Matrix Trilogy

Dinardo Firing Questionable

This article was published on December 2, 2004 by the Indiana Daily Student
http://www.idsnews.com/story.php?id=26566

An abbreviated version was published on December 5, 2004 by the Indianapolis Star
http://www.indystar.com/articles/1/199954-1051-036.html

Yesterday afternoon when I discovered that Ty Willingham was fired as the head football coach at Notre Dame, I was surprised and disappointed at the decision makers at the University. Building a strong football program takes time, and three years with your predecessor's recruits is not sufficient time to judge a coach's tenure. However, because of all of the talk radio and articles published recently, I had a sense of pride in the IU football program, for it was not making the same mistake that these other schools are currently making. As a regular losing-record program, we understand that to rebuild and win, you need several things: A coach who is dedicated to sticking with the program and not using the school as a stepping stone to another job, players who believe in the coach's vision for the future and an administration willing to wait for the slow process to take form.

Less than 24 hours later, my sense of pride in the IU Athletic Department had plummeted. Gerry DiNardo has officially been fired as head coach of IU football. I am shocked and frustrated at this decision, and I can only hope that the school has a game plan for the future of the program. In my opinion, if there aren't any better options for head coach available who would realistically relocate to a continuously rebuilding program, don't fire a dedicated and hard-working coach.

At least Notre Dame has the name to attract almost any coach in the country that it wants. In addition, it has the money and desire to compete for a national championship every year. Indiana is a basketball school that desperately needs the money that comes from selling football tickets and going to bowl games. Football programs generate the money necessary to fund the majority of the athletics department. With dwindling attendance for Indiana home football games, IU is in trouble. Remember, Assembly Hall, which sells out every basketball game, only seats in the 19,000s. Memorial Stadium, the enigma of a football stadium, holds about 52,000. IU cannot afford to pay a high-priced salary to a well known football coach. More importantly, any coach that comes to Indiana understands these three things:

1. Basketball comes first
2. Indiana is the third best team in the state (behind Purdue and ND)
3. Basketball comes first

So what did DiNardo do wrong? The reports are claiming that the reason for his early firing is due to his 8-27 record over his three seasons and the low attendance. What is not being reported is how he did not have a complete 85-player roster until his third season. Additionally, his 2005 recruiting class was being named the best IU class in years, and IU still had 12 scholarships to give. Indiana will be fortunate to keep half of the recruits who have verbally agreed so far. The 2005 season will mirror 2002 -- an undermanned team, few high-caliber recruits, low attendance and, most importantly, another losing record with no bowl game. In three years, it is more likely than not that we will be exactly where we are now, sitting with a coach who has rebuilt the program in the hot seat because we haven't seen immediate strides. It takes baby steps to build a program and, most importantly, time. I hope I am wrong and a savior comes along and turns our football team into a contender. I just hope enough people remember where the football stadium is by the time that day comes around.